


Didn't Mean It

by Kboogie09



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bodhi sticks up for reader and he just deserves everything, Cassian needs to express his feelings more ofte, F/M, Mention of Death, Worry of suicide but there isnt any!!, fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 00:51:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17131910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kboogie09/pseuds/Kboogie09
Summary: After a mission goes wrong, Cassian throws some harsh words at Y/N.





	Didn't Mean It

Cassian slammed his sniper into its holder—the impact causing everyone on the ship to flinch. Bodhi and K2 didn’t bother speaking as they placed the U-Wing into Light speed, all the while Baze was grumbling to himself as he placed a bacta patch on Chirrut’s arm to heal a blaster wound.

Cassian’s gaze flew to Y/N, who sat quietly by herself in the small corner of the ship, staring down at her shaking hands. As Cassian looked down at his own hands to remove his gloves, he flinched at the contact of someone squeezing his shoulder. He turned to find Jyn staring at him with a pleading look in her eyes, pursing her lips for a quick moment before Cassian looked back at the girl sitting in the corner, throwing his gloves on the floor before pushing past Jyn and making his way towards her.

Cassian stopped in front of Y/N, but she refused to look up at him and instead continued to stare at her hands. Cassian’s jaw clenched and he placed his hands on his hips before clearing his throat.

“When we get back to Yavin 4,” his voice sounding low and threatening, “I will talk to Mon about you staying grounded,” Y/N lifted her gaze from her hands up to Cassian, the look in her eyes alone should have been enough to faze him but it didn’t.

“Grounded? Cassian—“

“You should be lucky that I don’t have you suspended from your job in general,” Cassian waited for Y/N to fight back. For her to argue her way out of being grounded and tell him he is being a little ridiculous.

But she didn’t.

Instead, she just shut her mouth and looked back down at her hands.

“I find it odd that you aren’t defending yourself, Y/N.” K2 blurted out. Bodhi nudged the droid and whispered his name with a warning tone.

“No, K2 is right. Are you finally realizing how reckless you are? How the decisions you make to disobey direct orders affect all of us? Perhaps it would be better for us if you weren’t a part of this team anymore.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said in a quiet tone, but Cassian ignored her and continued to spit venomous words towards Y/N.

“Do you even realize what you’ve done? You compromised the mission, you got Chirrut injured, and you got a child—“

“Cassian, that’s enough!” A voice boomed louder over Cassian’s and this time, it wasn’t Jyn who spoke. It was Bodhi. Cassian quickly turned to look back at the usually timid pilot, who was now standing up from his seat with his fists clenched at the hips.

Cassian arched his brow and took a couple of steps forward towards Bodhi, giving him a cold stare. This caused Bodhi to shift awkwardly in his spot, slightly unclench his fists, and let out a shaky breath.

“I… just mean Y/N; well—none of us don’t need any more reminders of what’s happened.” Cassian stared down at the pilot for a couple of seconds before turning his gaze back to the other members of his team.

Jyn was still standing in the same spot—her arms crossed against her chest, her eyes squinting and chest rising with every deep breath she took as she silently challenged Cassian to say one more hurtful thing towards Y/N or Bodhi.

Chirrut, whose arm was now covered with the bacta patch, was now sitting forward in his seat with his head leaning against his staff. Baze had moved from his seat next to Chirrut and was instead standing up, also challenging Cassian to say something wrong.

And Y/N, sweet Y/N, who— although rather reckless and passionate about her job in the Rebellion and who never let anything bad that anyone would say get to her—was still sitting in the corner of the ship, tears silently falling down her face as she tried to make herself as small as possible.

Cassian was still confused as to why she wasn’t arguing back. Cassian would always reprimand her after missions, stating everything that she did wrong. Y/N, on the other hand, would just brush him off, throwing back a snarky comment about how they are a part of the Rebellion and how it is in their job description to go against the rules.

Instead, she was sitting there, keeping to herself while Cassian chewed her out and taking every harsh word to heart. Cassian could feel a small pang of guilt in his chest as he looked upon her tear-stained cheeks.

It wasn’t as if Cassian meant the words that he threw at her. The mission was already compromised as soon as they landed on the small moon they were assigned and Chirrut did push Y/N out of the way of getting shot at by a Stormtrooper.

As for the child, Cassian blamed himself more than Y/N that innocent blood was spilled. He was angrier at himself that he couldn’t get to the child in time in order to save their life while at the same time reaching to protect Y/N from the grenade that was meant to kill them.

Cassian took all of that anger and guilt and threw it at Y/N because he figured she would just brush it off like she normally would. In fact, what he really wanted to do was take her into his arms and tell her that it wasn’t her fault.

Cassian sighed and looked back at Bodhi, who straightened himself once again as he looked past Cassian towards Y/N. The pilot clenched his jaw and pushed past Cassian, knocking his shoulder with some force.

“We’ll be pulling out of Light speed soon,” he said in a low voice as he made his way towards Y/N. Cassian’s gaze followed Bodhi as he watched him hesitantly sit next to Y/N, not saying a word to her as he pulled his goggles off of his head.

Cassian hoped that Y/N would look up at him so she could see the look of sorrow and regret in his eyes. When she didn’t, he slowly turned and made his way into the co-pilot’s seat and said nothing the rest of the way back.

As soon as they had landed, Y/N fled away before Cassian or anyone could stop her. Cassian and the others quietly took to taking their supplies off of the U-Wing before going to report back on the failed mission to Mon Mothma. After Mon Mothma dismissed them, the Rogue One crew took off to their quarters—not speaking a word to Cassian.

Cassian slowly made his way down the corridor, replaying the harsh words he said to Y/N over and over in his head. How he wanted to take back what he said and instead pull her into his arms and tell her just how much she means to him.

He stopped in front of Y/N’s quarters—deciding whether or not he should wait until tomorrow to apologize or do it now.

Cassian lifted his hand up, his fist hovering against the metal door before knocking two times.

“Y/N?” Nothing but silence lingered on the other side of your door. Cassian knocked once more,

“Y/N? It’s Cassian.” Still nothing. Cassian hesitated once more before he twisted the door handle, which was luckily unlocked, and stepped inside.

“Y/N?” The room was dark, other than a small light shining from Y/N’s data pad that laid on her bedside table.  As Cassian slowly made his was inside the room, he flicked on the lights and glanced around the room.

Y/N’s bed was slightly messy, as if someone had recently laid in it and refused to make it. Next to Y/N’s bed was a dresser and on top of that lied a couple of framed pictures. One of the pictures that caught his eye was of the entire Rogue One team.

Chirrut was smiling widely as he threw one of his arms around Baze, who stood with his arms crossed giving him an annoyed look. Bodhi was looking over towards Jyn and K2 as they were arguing, somewhat entertained over whatever ridiculous thing they were arguing about. Lastly, Y/N had gotten ahold of Bodhi’s goggles and was placing them over her eyes while Cassian looked over at her—the corner of his mouth turned up into a smirk and his eyes filled with admiration.

Cassian smiled to himself and was about to make his way out of the room, when he stopped himself as his eyes caught the sight of a small pill bottle—a pill bottle that usually carries lullabies.

Which was now empty.

Cassian’s eyes widened as he felt his chest suddenly become heavy. His mind suddenly went to the last words that he said to Y/N and his heart began to race.

Cassian couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move.  All he could think about was how he would never get the chance to tell Y/N that he was sorry and that he didn’t mean all of the harsh words that were said to her. Cassian ran his hands through his hair as he tried to catch his breath—he began to frantically look around for any sign of where you might have gone—tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“Cassian?” Cassian quickly turned around as he heard the sound of Y/N’s voice and let out a breath of relief as he gazed at her.

There she stood in front of her bedroom door. No longer in the clothes that she wore for the mission and was instead wearing a t-shirt (that oddly looked similar to one of Cassian’s) and a pair of sweats. Her hair was slightly wet as if she just got out of the shower and her eyes still red from the many tears that she had cried, but still looking as beautiful as ever in Cassian’s eyes.

“What are you doing here?” She asked and Cassian snapped out of his trance and walked hastily to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to his chest. Cassian could feel her hesitance as she wrapped her arms around him and he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling the scent of her strawberry shampoo.

Cassian pulled her away and, before he could stop himself, placed his hands on both sides of her head and began to place messy kisses all over her face.

“Never do that to me again, Y/N,” he mumbled against her cheek, “you scared the shit out of me.” Y/N pulled away from Cassian and looked up at him with a confused look in her eyes.

“What are you talking about? Do what to you?” Cassian walked to Y/N’s dresser and grabbed the empty pill bottle, placing it in her hand.

“This. Why do you have an empty bottle of lullabies? I thought that…” he trailed off, and closed his eyes before exhaling, “I thought that you tried to harm yourself because of what I said.” Cassian opened his eyes to see you staring at him, your eyebrows furrowed as confusion still lingered on your face.

“Cassian, this isn’t a bottle of lullabies? It’s medicine for migraines.” Cassian just stared blankly at Y/N.

“Oh, well, I just…” Cassian stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet.

“Just what?”

“After you left, no, when I was yelling at you on the ship, I regretted every word that I told you. I don’t blame you for anything that happened; I just want you to know that. And when I came here to apologize, I saw the bottle and my thoughts got the worst of me and I thought that you…” Cassian swallowed the heavy pit that was in the back of his throat, “I could not have lived with myself knowing that I would have made you want to harm yourself and that i wouldn’t get the chance to let you know how I truly feel about you.” It was quiet for a moment, but when Cassian heard the soft patting of Y/N’s feet shuffle closer to him, he lifted his head up to look into her Y/E/C eyes.

“And… how do you feel about me, Cassian?” Cassian paused for a moment— flicking his gaze down to Y/N’s lips and quickly looking back up into her eyes—and softly placed a hand along her neck, his fingers tracing just under her ear while his thumb lifted her chin just slightly as he leaned in to place a soft, but passionate kiss upon her lips.

As Cassian placed his other hand upon her shoulder, he felt Y/N place one hand against his chest, gathering a fistful of his shirt while the other was placed along his hip. Cassian finally pulled away and gazed upon the beautiful young woman that stood in front of him,

“I care for you more than words can say. And I am sorry that it has taken me so long to say so. I have wanted to tell you since we first were partnered together, but I let my fear of you not reciprocating the same feelings as me.” One corner of Y/N’s lips lifted up into a smirk,

“You mean to say that I—Y/F/N Y/L/N, a simple intelligence officer—intimidated the all mighty Cassian into telling me how he really feels?” Cassian rolled his eyes and chuckled.

As he continued to stare down at Y/N, he could still feel the guilt that lingered in him from the words that he said to her moments ago, and his smile faltered.

“Y/N, I truly am sorry for the words that I have said. I did not mean any of it and I hope that you’ll forgive me. Seeing you cry was one of the most heartbreaking things and it made me feel even worse knowing that the woman I care for was crying because of me.” Y/N smiled softly and leaned forward to place a kiss on his cheek,

“It’s okay, Cassian, I forgive you. The words did hurt, yes, but I know that you never meant them. I was just upset about the mission and the child that it all just became overwhelming,” she let out a deep sigh, “but there is nothing we can do about that anymore. What we can do now is… work harder and smarter to make sure that no one else is in that situation.”

“You know that means you’ll have to actually listen to me then, right?” Y/N let out a small laugh and if it wasn’t the best sound in the galaxy to Cassian.

Cassian wrapped his arms around Y/N once more, the warmth of feeling her against him caused his heart to skip a beat and as he placed his chin on her shoulder, he noticed something on the shirt she was wearing that indicated one thing,

“How long have you had my shirt for, Agent Y/L/N?”


End file.
